


However Long I Stay

by bluewishdust



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-02-18 06:52:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2339147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluewishdust/pseuds/bluewishdust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merrill is in love with Isabela but she doesn't really understand her feelings.</p><p>Isabela is in love with Merrill but she isn't ready to admit it yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Merrill didn’t like the Hanged Man very much. The name alone made her think of terrible things. What must have happened at this place to make it earn this name? She didn’t like the atmosphere there either. The smell inside wasn’t nice at all and the people there were always drunk and staring at her. The light inside was dull and her bare feet felt strange on the old, wooden floor. Merrill didn’t like being there. She’d rather get lost somewhere in Kirkwall all alone while still being able to see the clouds or the stars at night than following Hawke into this dark hole of a tavern. When he took her there to get some business done, she would hide behind him, feeling slightly uncomfortable. 

Still, Merrill went to the Hanged Man more than often lately. Even went there without Hawke and without any need. 

In fact, she had a good reason for going there. And this reason had a name. A name that appeared way too often in her mind recently. The name was Isabela and belonged to a person who confused Merrill and her feelings a lot. How could a woman have such a beautiful body and move as graceful as Isabela did? “And why can’t I stop thinking about her?”, Merrill whispered quietly to herself while walking through the streets lost in her thoughts. She shook her head a little , trying to clear her mind. “I have to stop thinking about her, the way she walks and how her face looks when she just made a dirty joke and… her voice. Why do I always hear her talking inside my head?” When she realised that she had said all of this out loud she hit herself in the face. “By the Dread Wolf, stop talking to yourself, Merrill!” she cried out not noticing the people around giving her strange looks. 

Only after Merrill found herself in front of the Hanged Man, she realised that she had been following her feet to this tavern again without realizing it. “Well, if I am already here, I might as well go inside and visit Isabela,” she thought and entered. 

The tavern was crowded as always, but still Isabela’s stunning silhouette was the first thing Merrill noticed. The pirate was standing at the same place as always, a half-emptied drink in her hand. Merrill didn’t know if Isabela had a home she could return to, but it didn’t seem like it because Isabela was always here at the Hanged Man. And this was- maybe except for Varric’s stories- the only reason for Merrill to go there. 

She reached Isabela after a few more steps. The other woman turned around and after recognizing Merrill, a big smile appeared on her face. Isabela greeted her, but Merrill got a little bit distracted by looking into Isabela’s golden gleaming eyes and returning the greetings was suddenly the hardest thing to do. All the words seemed to slip her mind and what finally came out of her mouth was nothing more than babbling. 

Isabela didn’t mind though. Her smile only grew bigger and she dragged Merrill to the next table where she started to tell Merrill a new story immediately after they had sat down.

Merrill liked the sound of Isabela’s voice so much, she usually could listen to her forever, but today she just couldn’t quite concentrate on what Isabela was saying, because she was again busy staring at the woman in front of her. 

The longer she looked at her, the more captured she got. Merrill suddenly felt so plain in comparison to the gorgeous pirate. Everything about her was just so… beautiful. Her whole figure was absolutely perfect, accentuated by her almost too-short clothes barely covering her. 

“My eyes are up here, Kitten,” Isabela suddenly said in an amused one. When Merrill realised where she had been looking at the whole time she felt extremely embarrassed and her face turned all red. 

“Oh no I am… sorry. I...”, she tried to say and Isabela started to laugh. “It’s alright, you are not the first one I caught staring at my boobs," she said with a wink.  
“Yes but… You know…”, Merrill tried to speak again, ”Friends shouldn’t be staring at each other’s breasts... ” 

“Why not?”, Isabela asked, leaning closer towards Merrill. 

Way too close.

Merrill wasn’t really able to think clear anymore with Isabela’s face so close to her own. “I..I… I mean… I was behaving stupid again wasn’t I? I am sorry.” 

Isabela looked at her lovingly. “Kitten, you are so cute sometimes," she said while leaning back again.

Merrill didn’t know how to respond to that so she just blushed even more. She felt relieved that Isabela wasn’t so close anymore because her heart, beating violently only a few moments ago, now seemed to calm down again. And still… She maybe also wanted to be even closer to Isabela than that. What if… “No… What am I thinking….” 

“What are you thinking?”, Isabella said with a knowing smile. “Did I just say this out loud? Oh I am… Just forget about it… I think I have to go now,” said Merrill and got up so fast that she nearly toppled over the bench. “Goodbye, Isabela.” 

She all but ran out of the tavern before she could say something even more stupid. Being all confused like that she didn’t notice how Isabela looked after her with a sad smile. “Goodbye, Kitten. Maybe running away is the best for you. I don’t want to hurt you, you know?”, Isabela said more to herself than to anyone else. 

..............

It had never been easy for Merrill to fall asleep. As soon as she went to bed all her worries and all her failures started haunting her. Every time she closed her eyes she would remember all the moments in which she had acted wrong. And there were a lot of moments. Merrill wasn’t dumb. She knew that she acted dumb a lot, but she would only recognize her stupidity when it was already too late and it was hard for her to admit her failures afterwards. Becoming a blood mage for example. It may had been one of her biggest mistakes and although she had considered it as necessary it might have turned out to be the wrong decision. But no, it must have been right. It must have been. Regrets or not... her actions kept hunting her dreams.

Tonight, however, she had a different reason for lacking sleep. 

Once more, the reason was Isabela. When Merrill closed her eyes she saw her face, her beautiful eyes. And then Merrill remembered all the stupid things she had said to her today and she felt so pathetic for simply running away. She was pretty convinced that Isabela would have never run away. 

Merrill turned around in her bed, pulling her blanket over her head. She couldn’t fall asleep. Every time she thought about Isabela she felt a strange form of excitement and she couldn’t help but crack a goofy smile. The smile stayed at her face even when she finally fell asleep a couple of minutes later. For once, her dreams were not dark and scary, but beautiful. 

When she woke up early the next morning she felt wonderful. She couldn’t remember what exactly she had dreamt of, but it included a barely clothed pirate woman doing certain… things to her. When Merrill thought about it, she blushed. 

“Oh, that was… that was… Shhh, it was only a dream, Merrill…”, she said to herself, “Sadly…” 

That last uttered word left herself stunned. She suddenly became aware that she actually wanted all the things she had dreamt of to happen and at the same time she didn’t know what that meant. Feelings like that were all new to her. Under normal circumstances she would ask Isabela about things she didn’t understand, but in this case… in this case it wasn’t possible. However, Merrill was quite sure that her feet would drag her to the Hanged Man and to Isabela anyway at some point during the day. After all, that was what happened every day, wasn't it? There was no reason to believe that today would be any different.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merrill gets drunk and Isabela doesn't quite know how to deal with her own feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terrible sorry that this took me so long! There is no excuse for the delay but I hope it was worth waiting for... Also thanks to thegrimshapeofyoursmile for editing!  
> This chapter is from Isabela's point of view. I hope you like it!

Isabela had been strolling around for the whole day. Sometimes she just needed to catch some fresh air. But now she had enough. Now she needed a drink. It was dark already as well and she preferred to spend her nights in the Hanged Man.

When she entered her favourite tavern in Kirkwall, she didn’t see Merrill at first. The elf was sitting on a table, a cup in her hand. She stared into the distance and her cheeks were a little bit redder than normal. When Isabela approached her, she was already suspicious that there was something off with Merrill today.

Her assumption was confirmed when Merrill finally noticed her. “Isabela!”, she shouted in an unusually loud voice and a smile wider than Isabela had never seen before on her suddenly appeared on her face.

“Are you alright, Kitten?”, Isabela asked her with a concerned look on her face.

“Yes!”, Merrill responded enthusiastically, “I am very alright, especially now that you are here.” Her eyes held a strange gleam.

“Are you drunk?”, Isabela wanted to know, although the answer was quite obvious. Merrill smelled like alcohol and the liquid in her cup was scarcely water.

“Drunk? I don’t know. I feel a little bit… funny in my head,” she said, giggled and almost spilled her drink in the process.

“What is this? What are you drinking?”, Isabela asked and Merrill answered: “I don’t know… I don’t even like the taste of it very much, but it makes me feel… warm inside and…” She took a sip and grimaced.

“Give it to me, Kitten. I think you have had enough for today,” Isabela demanded, careful of not sounding too harsh. Merrill handed it to her without hesitation, still looking at Isabela with her strange smile.

Isabela finished the drink in one go and nearly coughed because she hadn’t imagined it to be that strong. “That’s kind of hard stuff. How much of this did you have?”, she asked unbelievingly.

“Oh… Not much,” Merrill said, ”This guy invited me on a drink, but then he got bored and left, so I was all alone and felt so lonely and then I ordered another drink and another one and.. You know… I was waiting for you and I was so lonely all of a sudden…” Merrill’s smile disappeared only to return a moment later. “But now it’s fine. Now you are here.”

“You were waiting for me?” Isabela wasn’t sure how she should feel about this. She knew that Merrill liked to visit her, but waiting for her to show up for such a long time? She feared that there was something more about this.

“Yes, of course,” Merrill answered, “I only come here to visit you, haven’t you noticed that? It’s a terrible place, but you are not terrible at all. Oh, Isabela… I wanted to see you so much, I know this is strange, but I had this dream about you and I couldn’t stop thinking about all these things and…” Merrill sighed and looked sad again.

Isabela felt strange. It was always fun to talk to the innocent elf girl. However, in moments like this where she felt the friendly feelings she had about Merrill slipping into something more profound, it wasn’t funny anymore. Isabela liked playing around. Dragging someone into bed and disappearing the next morning. Being flirty and talking suggestive. That were the things she liked to do (besides sailing the sea of course). But this? This was evolving into something different. This wasn’t about playing around. This was kind of serious, even though she wasn’t fully ready to admit it yet. Isabela didn’t care if she broke someone’s heart. But Merrill was not “someone” and she never ever wanted to hurt her. Isabela was good at making love. But being in love? That wasn’t her thing at all.

The entire situation was something that made her feel pretty helpless and she really didn’t like that. Usually it wasn’t that hard because every time she couldn’t resist anymore and made suggestions of any kind towards Merrill she would either not get them or shy away from them immediately.

So this situation was new, Merrill being drunk and all. Isabela wasn’t sure how she should deal with this. The best thing would probably be to send her home.

“I think it would be better if you go home now, Kitten,” she said after Merrill continued to silently smile at her for a while.

“Why? Did I say something wrong? I said something wrong, didn’t I?”, Merrill asked, her ears dropping a little.

“No, Kitten. But it seems as if you drank a little bit too much and it’s already late. You should probably go.”

“Well, if you say so…..” Merrill tried to get up but she lost her balance as soon as her feet met the ground. Isabela could just barely catch her to prevent her from falling down.

Merrill laughed a little and threw her arms around Isabela. “I am sorry, my feet don’t really work the way I want them to,” she told her.

Isabela tried to let her go, but the moment she did, Merrill swayed dangerously again, so she held her a little bit longer. Merrill seemed to enjoy this unintentional and awkward hug because she squeezed Isabela tightly. “Oh, you are so wonderful, Isabela,” she whispered close to Isabela’s ear and reached out with one hand to play with the pirate’s hair. Isabela sighed and could not help but smile. What would Merrill do if she knew how much Isabela liked the feeling of her slender elf body pressing against her own? “She would probably just blush,” Isabela thought and patted Merrill’s head.

Merrill didn’t seem to be able to walk home on her own. “I am going to bring you home now,” Isabela said softly. She freed herself and dragged Merrill out of the Hanged Man carefully.

The streets were empty. Merrill’s home was only a few corners away but because of Merrill’s tipsy steps the way seemed quite long. Neither of them noticed it though and neither of them said a single word. One of Isabela’s arms stayed around Merrill’s waist the whole time.

Merrill’s door wasn’t locked. Somehow this wasn’t a surprise.

Merrill was quiet now, almost too quiet. At some point she had stopped giggling and as she spoke now her voice sounded tired. “Can you stay with me for a little longer?”

Isabela wasn’t sure. She had just been about to leave, but Merrill was looking at her with so much affection in her big, sparkling elf eyes that she just couldn’t say no. So she just stopped thinking about it and closed the door behind her after entering Merrill’s home.

Every time she saw these rooms, she got the feeling that this place was too roomy for a single person. Every time someone entered, Merrill seemed so lonely, standing there alone.

Without any warning Merrill suddenly threw her arms around Isabela and her head came to rest on her shoulder. “I am tired,” she said in with a sleepy voice.

“Then go to bed, Kitten. What are you waiting for?”, asked Isabela, not knowing where to put her hands. Somehow her fingers ended up stroking through Merrill’s hair.

Merrill, however, didn’t answer and just gripped her tighter. Isabela, feeling a little bit overwhelmed by the sudden clinginess of the elf, repeated her question: “Why don’t you just go to bed?”

“I don’t want to,” Merrill muttered, “I want to spent more time with you…”

“That’s not a very good reason. You can spend more time with me tomorrow,” Isabela tried to persuade her.

“That’s not true,” Merrill mumbled, “You are the best reason for losing sleep.”

Isabela felt a smile growing on her face, but although she felt flattered, there was no sense for Merrill in staying awake for any longer.

“Come on,” she said and carefully lifted Merrill up, “I will take you to bed now.” While Merrill didn’t protest at all about being carried, Isabela realized that she never said words like this before with such an innocent intention in mind.

When she reached Merrill’s sleeping chamber, she put her into her bed with caution and the elf girl snuggled in her sheets immediately. When Isabela saw it, she suddenly felt the urge to lay down beside her and…

No. This was bad. If she did something like this now, things would probably never be the same again. She had to leave. Now. But when she turned around, she felt Merrill grabbing her arm.

“Don’t leave, please,” Merrill whispered silently.

Isabela sighed and sat down on the bed. “What do you expect me to do now, Kitten? Should I sing you a lullaby? If that’s what you want, I have to disappoint you. I am a terrible singer if it’s not some form of tavern song. And if you want to hear a bedtime story, you should better ask Varric the next time. My stories are too exciting to fall asleep while listening.”

The elf muttered something into her pillow that Isabela couldn’t understand. She leaned closer. “What did you say, kitten?”

Merrill turned towards her and Isabela suddenly saw herself confronted with half closed and sleepy (but still very beautiful) elf eyes.

“Stay,” Merrill whispered.

Isabela could feel Merrill’s breath on her skin. And she suddenly couldn’t stop looking at her lips.

“It’s alright, Merrill. I will stay,” she said and tried not to think about how easy it would be right now to kiss Merrill. Isabela closed her eyes and tried to focus on something else. It was not possible.

“Damn it,” she though after some time and hesitantly began, ”Can I.. kiss you, Merrill?”

There was no response and therefore she opened her eyes again. Only to see that Merrill… was asleep. Her eyes were closed and there was a slight smile on her peaceful face.

“Hey! You can’t do that. You can’t fall asleep just like that,” she said but then she had to laugh a little. This situation was just too comical.

Merrill’s response was quiet snoring. “I don’t know which of us is more stupid,” Isabela murmured and placed a gentle kiss on Merrill’s forehead.

Then she got up. She didn’t know why, but she was not able to stay for any longer. Not after what she had been about to do a moment ago.

Isabela never stayed. She never watched her lovers sleeping. If she stayed now, it would mean to admit that this was a serious thing. That this was more than just for fun. That she was in love.

Her expression became grim and serious when she left and her own words haunted her while she walked out Merrill’s door. I will stay.

She just couldn’t do it. Isabela didn’t look back and all she could think about was Merrill sleeping alone in this dark and empty room with a blind and broken mirror as her only company.

Isabela hoped that there would be enough alcohol in the Hanged Man to drown all her thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter in which Merrill decides to talk about her feelings and Varric decides to intervene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter and I hope you enjoy it! Once more thanks to thegrimshapeofyoursmile for helping me correcting my mistakes.

When Merrill woke up the next day, she needed a moment to realise that she was lying in her bed. How did she even get here? What happened? She attempted to get up and… no, this hadn’t been a good idea at all. Her head was hurting terribly and the room started spinning around her. She felt as if she had been woken from the dead by a foolish blood mage. She felt like a zombie. 

Suddenly some of her memories started to come back. Isabela. Isabela was everything she could remember. 

Merrill hoped that she hadn’t talked too much. That she had not talked too much about her confused feelings. Oh, why did she had to drink that much? She was almost slipping back to sleep again when she heard someone knocking on the door. 

“Isabela?”, she thought and panicked. She surely looked even worse than she felt and she wasn’t able to face her right now. But no, it couldn’t be Isabela. She never knocked. And neither did Hawke. There was only one person who would knock on her door before entering. 

“Varric?”, Merrill called across the house when she heard the door being opened. She noticed that her voice was kind of croaky. Also her head hurt even more while speaking. Great. 

“Yes, Daisy it’s me,” the dwarf called back, “We wanted to meet in High Town today, don’t you remember? Your voice sounds terrible, by the way, what…” He stopped when he entered her bedroom and saw her. “And you look terrible too. For my sake, what happened?” 

Merrill looked at him with half closed eyes and saw a worried expression on his face. “I just woke up. And… I feel not good at all to be honest. I think I drank too much last night,” she said while trying to keep her voice down. 

“Drunk, Daisy? You?”   
She nodded slowly. 

Varric almost started laughing but then his worried look came back. “Were you at the Hanged Man? I didn’t even see you there yesterday. But you are not the type who gets drunk just for the fun of it, right? Is there something wrong? You seem quite lost in your thoughts lately… I mean even more than normal.”

Merrill didn’t answer. What was she supposed to say? 

“C’mon, Daisy. You can tell me. What is bothering you? If you don’t feel like talking right now you can also come and visit me at the Hanged Man at a later time,” Varric said in a gentle tone. 

“At the Hanged Man? But Isabela will be there too, won’t she?”, Merrill muttered. 

“So Isabela is the problem?”, Varric asked suspiciously, “I thought you two get along quite well. Did Rivaini do something?”

Merrill sighed. And then she told him everything. She told him how she felt and how confusing everything was. She even told him about her dream and about her urge to visit Isabela every day. 

Varric sat down beside her and listened. He was quiet for once. At first he was smiling because of the sweet way Merrill was talking about Isabela. It was quite obvious that she was in love. Then he got worried. He knew Isabela quite well. He knew all her stories and that love was a word unknown to her. Varric feared for Merrill and her innocent feelings. She was a dangerous opponent on the battlefield and a goddamn blood mage, but in this case it would be so easy to hurt her. He feared that Isabela would break her heart sooner or later.

………..

Later that day Merrill already felt much better, but she was sad for no reason and wanted to visit Varric again. Maybe he could cheer her up with a story. 

When she entered the Hanged Man, however, she found him talking to Isabela. Neither of them was laughing and that was very uncommon. 

Merrill didn’t want to disturb, but Isabela noticed her anyway. When she saw her, she got up and left without a word. When passing by, she glared at Merrill. 

“What happened?”, Merrill asked Varric, “Is she mad at me?” 

Varric shook his head. “She is not. Not really at last. Pirates get angry when you take their belongings. Didn’t you know that?” 

“But I didn’t take anything from her!”, Merrill said and was confused. 

“Oh but you did.”, Varric said, “Her heart, Daisy. You stole her heart.” 

Merrill looked at him in surprise. “You mean she…? Wait, did you… tell her what I said to you?” 

Varric nodded. “I know it’s not okay to talk to her about this, but I was worried. I thought she was about to break your heart but… seems like she is just as fond of you.” He smiled. 

Merrill just stood there looking at him. 

“I know, right?”, he laughed, “It’s unbelievable, but Rivaini is serious about someone for once.” 

“But that means that… Oh I have to go after her, I have to…”, Merrill didn’t even finish her sentence and rushed out of the Hanged Man to go after Isabela.   
Varric laughed. “You are welcome, Daisy,” he said and ordered another drink.

…………..

“Wait, Isabela!”, Merrill yelled. 

Isabela stopped, but didn’t turn around. “What?”, she said. 

“I have to tell you something. I have to talk to you… I… I don’t know what to do, but please listen to me, please.”, Merrill said. Her voice was trembling. 

Isabela sighed. “I know, Kitten. We have to talk.” 

She turned around and took Merrill’s hand to drag her into an empty and narrow alley, where she leaned against the wall and watched Merrill, who felt really nervous and didn’t quite know what to say. How do you confess your love? How do you verbalize the feelings you barely understand yourself? 

“I…”, she started. 

“It’s alright, Kitten, you don’t have to say it,” Isabela interrupted her, “I have to tell you something as well.” She sighed and tried to collect her thoughts. “I know that you think I am always strong and that I know everything about love, but that’s simply not the case. I... I came around quite a lot, but this is new to me too. Although I had remarkably many lovers, I have never been in love. There were no feelings involved. The things I did were only skin deep. But then I met you. And… You were different. Are you listening, Kitten?” 

Merrill nodded. She just couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Her eyes went wide. 

Isabela went on, ”This is really hard to admit. I used to be free. When I still had my ship when I still was a captain, I only loved the sea and I was free. But you bounded me and I didn’t want to be tied down. I couldn’t help it. And now I am here and… Oh, I don’t even know what I am saying.” 

She looked at Merrill with a sad smile on her face. “Oh dear, are you crying? You don’t need to cry. Am I really that bad at this?”, she asked when she noticed Merrill’s teary eyes. 

Merrill didn’t know where these tears came from. She felt just so relieved. “Isabela…”, she cried and now the tears couldn’t be stopped anymore from running down her face. 

Isabela leaned forward to run her hand through Merrill’s hair. “Stop crying, Kitten,” she whispered and gently placed her lips on Merrill’s cheek to kiss away a teardrop. 

“Salty,” she said, “Just like the sea.” Isabela smiled. “I love the sea. And I also love you, Kitten.” 

Merrill was petrified. She even completely forgot about crying. Without thinking she threw her arms around Isabela and kissed her, just like she had so often dreamed about, only this was nothing like dreaming- this was so much better. 

“I love you too!”, Merrill cried when their lips parted for a moment, “I love you so much!” Then she kissed her again.

When Merrill had to catch her breath, Isabela was silent for a moment. She looked at Merrill with wide eyes. “Oh shit…”, she then muttered silently. 

Merrill still heard it. “Am I that bad at kissing?”, she asked with doubt in her voice. 

Isabela laughed. “No. Not at all”, she said, “It’s just… I am never going to kiss anybody else again but you. That was… as good as sailing.” 

Merrill smiled and hugged her tightly. “I love you,” she said again.

When they went home hand in hand, Isabela knew that she would stay this time. And not only until the next morning.


End file.
